It's been forever

OMGSH so it's been freaking forever since i've gotten on here... not much has happened and the last post... if you guys read it.. yeah well i was right my feelings were being played with but that's ok because i was expecting it so it didn't affect me like i thought it would... was i sad? of course but good thing i didn't get my hopes up so :) i'm still happy.. well Kinda because something bad did happen. so i didn't do so well in school this semester and i am very dissapointed in my self and the bad thing that happed was that since i didn't do so good my financial aid got suspended... i don't know for how long i have to call and ask what are my options... when i recieved the email. my heart stopped. I wanted to cry so bad but i didn't cause then my mom would have been like..... why are you crying and i didn't want to tell her and i didn't even have to tell her she was like... you know since you didn't pass your classes i don't think that they will pay for you to take classes the next semester she said she doubted i would be able to take classes so now that she basically knows i don't really have to say anything to her which makes me feel relieved. I know that my parents are dissapointed in me but if only they understood how hard it is for me to maintain focus and how hard it is for me to do all the schooly stuff that i have to do... idk i really didn't want to feel this dumb but i guess i cant really do anything about it you know...*sigh* idk i just know that i wanted to do good in school and i didn't... so yeah that's what has been happening in my life and i wonder why everything i do never comes out right and then i think to my self.... maybe because this isn't what God wants for me...... and if that's it then i really need to pray about what his plan for me is because if i'm not following what God wants me to do then i'm just goint to ruin my life and i don't want that... Currently i've been feeling in my heart that i have to transfer to another school and the school in mind is Biola University in souther California and i truly want to go but now that my financial aid has been suspended idk how i'm gonna be able to go through with it you know what i mean *sigh* all i know is that i put my life in God's hands.. he knows what he's doing..... :)